Who Can Play

I tend to throw my doors open to just about everyone, including (but not limited to) friends, co-workers, peers, neighbors, state school graduates, girls named “Stabie”, real estate agents from Venice who know Julia Roberts and Lauren Hutton and Moms Who Drink And Swear. I continue to play the “just about everyone” card since, despite my usual calm, patience and friendly, easy going demeanor, there are still some people who I consider to be the equivalent of a bag of dicks and I’d rather be set on fire than associate with them. People like Steven P. Cook. People like the Kardashians. I could go on, but the Ruckus is long enough as it is so I’ll just leave it at that and trust that you understand who these types of people are.

It’s important to note that I don’t hate these people, as hate is a waste of time. It’s just that they don’t know how to act appropriately or carry themselves in a decent, human fashion and I choose not to waste my time giving them a second of thought as I have more important things to occupy my time with and more important people to hang out and spend time with…notably, you.

Now, there shouldn’t be any of those bag of dicks people reading this since I wouldn’t invite them to the Ruckus in the first place. But, if by reading the above paragraph you come to the realization that you are, in fact, one of those bag of dicks people, kindly leave. Kindly. Leave. Now. I’m not going to ask again.

Please feel free to invite your family & friends to the Ruckus should you determine they fit the Ruckus mold. However, inviting anyone who falls under the bag of dicks kind of people umbrella will be considered a grievous offense and you may or may not be blackballed from the Ruckus in the future. In short, do not invite them or mention the Ruckus to them in any way, shape or form.

While you’re involved with the Ruckus, I will ask you refrain from using any of the following words and/or phrases:  Crushing "it", ghostriding the whip, hunting the big dawg, redonkulous, wrangle dangle, schtoops, the "donk" show, gettin' right, homeskillet, broseph, brosehpine and sexting.

 And yes. I’m on the serious.

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